I would like to officially label this as the hardest time I've ever experienced in my life. I don't know what lies ahead of me, or even what I want to lie ahead of me. I've just got this big gaping hole before me, and I don't know what I'm doing with it. I have my Sambica training in a little bit, so that should help me get un...depressed? I hate this word. I refuse to believe I am depressed. Melancholy? We'll say I'm melancholy :).
Perhaps finding some goals for myself will help my brain figure this out. Perhaps this is just a time where I'm going to be going through hell and must simply press on toward God and remain in Him only. I don't know.
I'm scared, confused and without home. And I know not when home will again be...
Hopefully I'll see you all on the other side...
1 comment:
Hang in there man! We need to have a discussion about this whole meaningless thing:) I have been wanting to comment about several of your posts, but just can't seem to get it written down right. A lot of things are better left to real life, rather than computer screens...
The author of Ecclesiates was looking at the world from a Jesus free perspective, we aren't limited to that! Ecclesiates is one of my favorite books, simply because I can totally relate to every "meaningless" line. But I think that really it displays what life if like without God! Our lives are filled with purpose and meaning, because God puts it there. Every living thing, from a mosquito to a water buffalo, every created thing- rocks, waterfalls, and mountains, all exist to cry out the glory of God! Life isn't meaningless at all, when it glorifies God. It isn't about us, fulfilling ourselves like the pop pyschologists of the day would have it. It's all about God fulfillment, and His glory!
Anyways, I think I'm just rambling now, and I need to get to bed, but I will be praying for you for sure! I know I could use it too...
From one who knows how it feels
~Russ
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